Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
