apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
