Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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