glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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