I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
