We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
