Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
