You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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