Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
