Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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