your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
