Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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