Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
