3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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