I just cut my nipple shaving
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
