So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My bed smells like the plague
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
