Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
