I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
