im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
