That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
