Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
