I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
