Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
