Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
