thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
