I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
