so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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