I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
