idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
