Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
