So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
