ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
