Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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