I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
