it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
