Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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