hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
