Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
