im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need water and some morals
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
