toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
