Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
