yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
