it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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