who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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