i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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