I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
