Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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