Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
