This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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