Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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